Learning humility

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One of the (many) reasons I love my campus is because they encourage clubs to do fun and exciting events or giveaways to gain attention/more members. I practically ran (awkwardly, in heels!) towards these people when I saw that they had Klondike bars!

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Yes, it’s January but, let’s be real, this is also Southern California. Cold ice cream was needed.

They told me that I would have to sit through one of their meetings to get their delicious ice cream bar.

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What would I do for a Klondike bar? Apparently blasphemy.

The club was a Christian group and their theme today was on humility which struck a chord with me. You see, I have this internal struggle with being humble. I have a deep admiration for humble people, and I am also insanely envious of them because I am a vain, prideful person. I wish I could be more humble but I don’t like the idea of not being prideful. CONFUSED? SO AM I!

I think it might come from having so many struggles and setbacks in my life and having only myself to rely on, but I am fiercely proud of all my accomplishments. I never felt a presence of “God” during my difficult times, and I feel cheated when people give him all the credit for all my hard work. Hello? I had a hand during all those events!

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If all the pain I had to endure during my difficult times was with the assistance of you “carrying me” I am not impressed by your strength.

My vanity comes from being ugly most of my childhood and early teenage years.

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Apparently I was the ugliest ugly that has ever uglied.

I was bullied and picked on (one kid from middle school massaged dirt into my scalp during PE while my classmates laughed and I bit my cheek until I tasted blood to prevent the tears from rolling down my face. Another day the most popular kid in class came up to me and asked me out in front of his friends only to laugh and say “NOT! Yeah right, who would ever want to date *you*?? You’re garbage.” I like to think of my childhood as earning a Master’s degree in learning not to cry due to emotional pain.) but much like the ugly duckling, puberty was very kind to me.

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Just look at that swan-like transformation!

I am more comfortable in my own body, and I like the way I look. I love my height, my long limbs, my big brown eyes and my short hair. I love wearing clothes and jewelry that emphasizes the things I love about my body, and I like it when people tell me I look good.

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My spirit animal

That’s all well and good, but listening to the Christian lecture on humility gave me some serious twinges of guilt. I know I could stand to be more humble and less vain, I just don’t know how to not be proud of everything I have done. I don’t know how to be happy without expressing myself in the loud and vibrant way that I do. I love my brightly colorful clothes, my sparkly jewelry and being in the spotlight.

I guess what it all boils down to is that I don’t know how to be the type of person I want to become without losing the parts of me that make me happy. 

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2 thoughts on “Learning humility

  1. Humility is a hard virtue to learn. It’s something that takes practice and work. But that’s not to say you shouldn’t be proud of things you accomplish. When you do something, you should be proud of it. You should feel good for getting a big paycheck, or scoring well on a test, or making yourself up so you feel pretty.

    The thing is to not be too prideful. You want some level of pride, but you don’t exactly want to be trumpeting it in other peoples’ faces. The best rule of thumb is: it’s OK to feel pride if it makes you happy, it’s not OK to feel pride if you’re just doing it to make someone feel bad. More or less anyway.

    1. I try to not brag about my accomplishments or steal the spotlight from others or generally do anything that I would find annoying in someone else. It’s just that sometimes I feel like I should keep in mind that even though I have been through a lot there are others out there who have been through much worse and I can still learn something from other people. I want to be more humble in that I don’t like it when I start to feel like I have already learned all there is to know about certain things. There is always plenty to learn.

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