Steel and Gold

You once said that you admired my strength;
My unyielding resilience.
With downcast eyes you murmured:
“I wish I could be more like you.”
I felt like a fraud, an imposter.
You probably never would have guessed the words that stuck in my throat.

I wanted to tell you:
“The random luck of the universe saw fit to forge my soul
over and over until it became steel.”
I wanted to tell you:
“My will is a sword I use for protection.”
I wanted to tell you:
“No, you do not want to be like me,
I was created out of furnaces and hammers and water.”
I wanted to make you understand.

Because,
You have always been Gold.
Inherently valuable, immensely gorgeous,
and useful for so many things.
I admired the effortless way you made the world around you a better place;
your lustrous essence.

You told people:
“Giving to charity is the closest we can get to being with God on this earth.”
You loved unconditionally.
You told people:
“You can always call me, no matter what. I will always be there for you.”
You gave selflessly.
You told people:
“I just want to make everyone happy.”
Gold gives beauty into this world with no demands.

I wanted you to see yourself through my eyes
I wanted to tell you how much you mean to this world.
I wanted to tell you:
“I admire you so much, I love you, I love you.”

So much I should have said,
can’t ever tell you now.
Just, know this:
With all the strength in me,
I will always love you.

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